Thirty Days of Solitary 19/30
Jul. 14th, 2012 08:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
menolly_auTitle: Thirty Days of Solitary 19/30
Characters: House with small bits of various others
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: For everything up to and including Twenty Vicodins
Summary: House was sentenced to thirty days of solitary confinement for his actions in Twenty Vicodins. This is the story of his time in solitary, and what was happening back at PPTH while he was there. Story will mainly focus on House, but there are segments featuring the rest of the cast. Starts just before the end of Twenty Vicodins.
A/N : Many, many thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
damigella_314. Without her constant help and encouragement this story would be called 'Five Days of Solitary'.
Click for previous part
Day 19 Tuesday 25th October 2011
When he left Mayfield Nolan was very insistent that he not live alone. Isolation fosters depression he had said. House has to laugh at that now. Not that he's alone exactly, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of men living in this prison, but he's alone here. In this cell. Alone with just his thoughts, and his memories and too much damn time to think.
It had been good, living with Wilson. He'd known from the start that it wouldn't last, he'd do something to piss Wilson off before long and get himself thrown out. The neighbour had been the first time that Wilson told him to pack his bags and get out; the second time was during that mess with that jerk Tucker, when Wilson was intent on making himself a martyr to the cause of ‘friendship’.
When Wilson had purchased the condo it had seemed to be his intention to have House live there too, for it to be their home. House had been cautiously happy, that what had seemed so temporary, camping on the couch in Amber’s old place, was beginning something that seemed more permanent.
After a few weeks of condo living House had begun to move his stuff out of his old apartment and into the condo and when Wilson had bought the organ, he thought he was safe there, that Wilson was happy to have him there. Then Sam had happened and that had been that.
It wasn't that he blamed Wilson for kicking him out; no man wants another guy hanging around when his girlfriend is moving in. Sure, he thought Wilson might have given him a bit more time, but House had already been trying to break Sam and Wilson up so he couldn't say Wilson's action was unjustified. Wilson was just looking out for himself for once, which is something that House always encouraged.
It wasn't Wilson kicking him out that had started House back down the path of depression and addiction - he'd been drinking too much while he was still living with Wilson (although Sam had been on the scene). It hadn't helped stop the slow slide though. House had been afraid to go back to his apartment, after all that time. His apartment was where he saw Amber, his apartment was where he hallucinated having sex with Cuddy, and his apartment had two bottles of Vicodin stashed behind a mirror on the wall.
Truthfully, he meant to get that Vicodin the first day he went back there. He knew it would only be a matter of time before he took it, so he might as well get it over with. Then Alvie had been there, the pest, and well, there'd been someone there and it hadn't been too bad. Then Alvie left him, and he'd had that disastrous last session with Nolan. He'd almost taken it that day, when he got back from Mayfield, he only didn't because he didn't want it to be like, he wasn't seeing Nolan anymore and then he couldn't cope without the Vicodin. Nolan hadn't done him a damn bit of good; he wasn't going to give the guy the satisfaction of knowing House had to turn to Vicodin on the day he quit therapy.
Then there was Hannah. He closes his eyes as he thinks of her. He'd spent so long down there, next to her, in that rubble, in that small enclosed space; it still gave him nightmares. She'd screamed, she'd screamed in sheer pain as he'd cut her leg off. He'd cut through flesh and bone while she screamed in agony. He's relived that day a hundred times since, wondering if he should have done something differently, if somehow he could have saved her, or at least spared her the futile agony of the amputation. He'd cut bits of her away and she'd still died. She'd had faith in him, she’d trusted him, and he'd let her down.
He'd been on the verge of taking the Vicodin when Cuddy had found him, and he realises now, maybe he'd even realised then, he's not sure, that he’d clutched at her in desperation, as a drowning man grabs a life raft. He'd needed her, as desperately as he'd once craved the Vicodin. As long as she was in his life he wouldn't drown, she was holding him above the water, just, both of them frantically paddling hard to keep him afloat. He'd been terrified of losing her, of making the wrong step that would cause her to leave him, he'd needed her.
As soon as her support was gone he'd sunk.
Wilson had tried to rescue him, had offered a hand up on many occasions but House had turned away, had refused to take it, and now he'd lost Wilson as well - because if Wilson still cared (and why would he after what House had done to him), if Wilson still gave a damn about him he would have heard from him.
When he gets out of prison he's going back to Fiji, maybe he will study dark matter, maybe he won't, maybe he'll set up a small practice by the beach, or maybe he'll just do nothing. There's nothing left for him here now. He can't go back to PPTH, and he doubts any other hospital in the States will want an ex-felon, drug addicted, trouble maker doctor, whatever his medical reputation.
He paces in his cell, his thoughts going around in circles, just like his feet. It's pointless to keep mulling over the past but he does it anyway. He needs, he needs a distraction. His gaze roams around the room, there's nothing there, nothing to take him away from himself. He sits on the bunk and stares at the opposite wall.
There's a rattle of metal and a meal tray slides through the slot. Dinner. He quickly gets to his feet and limps over to it, grabbing the tray and taking it back to the bed.
He eats the meal slowly, taking his time over every bite. It's not much of a distraction, but it will do. For now.
Adams has secured some volunteer work in a free clinic in a bad part of town. She reasons that it isn't much worse than working in the prison, except for there are no bars and no handy guards to pass troublesome patients to. The work isn't very taxing but at least no-one here cares that she was fired from her previous job. She hasn't heard anything further from the prison administration, or the police, so she is hoping that means that they have decided not to try and prosecute her for her 'crimes'. She is relieved of course, but also sad that Doctor House has received such a heavy penalty. Alvarez from the prison has kept in contact with her, and he has relayed the information that House is currently in solitary confinement, and will be for at least thirty days. He is also facing further charges and almost certainly more jail time. Her heart aches for him, so close to release only to have it taken away.
She's never met anyone as intriguing as Doctor House. He'd done a terrible thing, and had fled the country, but then had meekly accepted a jail sentence where he could possibly have pled out, or tried for a rehab/community service option. It had been as if he had wanted to be punished for what he had done. What sort of man voluntarily chose prison? Then there had been his extraordinary dedication to his patient, a man who wasn't even really his patient. He'd risked everything for Nick.
She remembers his piercing blue eyes, the sadness in his face, the stoic way he endured his jail life. She'd researched his life and his career ever since, building an impressive portfolio on the life of Gregory House. A tragedy in many ways, a man totally screwed up by life.
She hopes that some day he can work as a doctor again, maybe even take fellowship students like he had before. If he ever does, well she'll be ready.
Characters: House with small bits of various others
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: For everything up to and including Twenty Vicodins
Summary: House was sentenced to thirty days of solitary confinement for his actions in Twenty Vicodins. This is the story of his time in solitary, and what was happening back at PPTH while he was there. Story will mainly focus on House, but there are segments featuring the rest of the cast. Starts just before the end of Twenty Vicodins.
A/N : Many, many thanks to
damigella_314. Without her constant help and encouragement this story would be called 'Five Days of Solitary'. Click for previous part
Day 19 Tuesday 25th October 2011
When he left Mayfield Nolan was very insistent that he not live alone. Isolation fosters depression he had said. House has to laugh at that now. Not that he's alone exactly, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of men living in this prison, but he's alone here. In this cell. Alone with just his thoughts, and his memories and too much damn time to think.
It had been good, living with Wilson. He'd known from the start that it wouldn't last, he'd do something to piss Wilson off before long and get himself thrown out. The neighbour had been the first time that Wilson told him to pack his bags and get out; the second time was during that mess with that jerk Tucker, when Wilson was intent on making himself a martyr to the cause of ‘friendship’.
When Wilson had purchased the condo it had seemed to be his intention to have House live there too, for it to be their home. House had been cautiously happy, that what had seemed so temporary, camping on the couch in Amber’s old place, was beginning something that seemed more permanent.
After a few weeks of condo living House had begun to move his stuff out of his old apartment and into the condo and when Wilson had bought the organ, he thought he was safe there, that Wilson was happy to have him there. Then Sam had happened and that had been that.
It wasn't that he blamed Wilson for kicking him out; no man wants another guy hanging around when his girlfriend is moving in. Sure, he thought Wilson might have given him a bit more time, but House had already been trying to break Sam and Wilson up so he couldn't say Wilson's action was unjustified. Wilson was just looking out for himself for once, which is something that House always encouraged.
It wasn't Wilson kicking him out that had started House back down the path of depression and addiction - he'd been drinking too much while he was still living with Wilson (although Sam had been on the scene). It hadn't helped stop the slow slide though. House had been afraid to go back to his apartment, after all that time. His apartment was where he saw Amber, his apartment was where he hallucinated having sex with Cuddy, and his apartment had two bottles of Vicodin stashed behind a mirror on the wall.
Truthfully, he meant to get that Vicodin the first day he went back there. He knew it would only be a matter of time before he took it, so he might as well get it over with. Then Alvie had been there, the pest, and well, there'd been someone there and it hadn't been too bad. Then Alvie left him, and he'd had that disastrous last session with Nolan. He'd almost taken it that day, when he got back from Mayfield, he only didn't because he didn't want it to be like, he wasn't seeing Nolan anymore and then he couldn't cope without the Vicodin. Nolan hadn't done him a damn bit of good; he wasn't going to give the guy the satisfaction of knowing House had to turn to Vicodin on the day he quit therapy.
Then there was Hannah. He closes his eyes as he thinks of her. He'd spent so long down there, next to her, in that rubble, in that small enclosed space; it still gave him nightmares. She'd screamed, she'd screamed in sheer pain as he'd cut her leg off. He'd cut through flesh and bone while she screamed in agony. He's relived that day a hundred times since, wondering if he should have done something differently, if somehow he could have saved her, or at least spared her the futile agony of the amputation. He'd cut bits of her away and she'd still died. She'd had faith in him, she’d trusted him, and he'd let her down.
He'd been on the verge of taking the Vicodin when Cuddy had found him, and he realises now, maybe he'd even realised then, he's not sure, that he’d clutched at her in desperation, as a drowning man grabs a life raft. He'd needed her, as desperately as he'd once craved the Vicodin. As long as she was in his life he wouldn't drown, she was holding him above the water, just, both of them frantically paddling hard to keep him afloat. He'd been terrified of losing her, of making the wrong step that would cause her to leave him, he'd needed her.
As soon as her support was gone he'd sunk.
Wilson had tried to rescue him, had offered a hand up on many occasions but House had turned away, had refused to take it, and now he'd lost Wilson as well - because if Wilson still cared (and why would he after what House had done to him), if Wilson still gave a damn about him he would have heard from him.
When he gets out of prison he's going back to Fiji, maybe he will study dark matter, maybe he won't, maybe he'll set up a small practice by the beach, or maybe he'll just do nothing. There's nothing left for him here now. He can't go back to PPTH, and he doubts any other hospital in the States will want an ex-felon, drug addicted, trouble maker doctor, whatever his medical reputation.
He paces in his cell, his thoughts going around in circles, just like his feet. It's pointless to keep mulling over the past but he does it anyway. He needs, he needs a distraction. His gaze roams around the room, there's nothing there, nothing to take him away from himself. He sits on the bunk and stares at the opposite wall.
There's a rattle of metal and a meal tray slides through the slot. Dinner. He quickly gets to his feet and limps over to it, grabbing the tray and taking it back to the bed.
He eats the meal slowly, taking his time over every bite. It's not much of a distraction, but it will do. For now.
Adams has secured some volunteer work in a free clinic in a bad part of town. She reasons that it isn't much worse than working in the prison, except for there are no bars and no handy guards to pass troublesome patients to. The work isn't very taxing but at least no-one here cares that she was fired from her previous job. She hasn't heard anything further from the prison administration, or the police, so she is hoping that means that they have decided not to try and prosecute her for her 'crimes'. She is relieved of course, but also sad that Doctor House has received such a heavy penalty. Alvarez from the prison has kept in contact with her, and he has relayed the information that House is currently in solitary confinement, and will be for at least thirty days. He is also facing further charges and almost certainly more jail time. Her heart aches for him, so close to release only to have it taken away.
She's never met anyone as intriguing as Doctor House. He'd done a terrible thing, and had fled the country, but then had meekly accepted a jail sentence where he could possibly have pled out, or tried for a rehab/community service option. It had been as if he had wanted to be punished for what he had done. What sort of man voluntarily chose prison? Then there had been his extraordinary dedication to his patient, a man who wasn't even really his patient. He'd risked everything for Nick.
She remembers his piercing blue eyes, the sadness in his face, the stoic way he endured his jail life. She'd researched his life and his career ever since, building an impressive portfolio on the life of Gregory House. A tragedy in many ways, a man totally screwed up by life.
She hopes that some day he can work as a doctor again, maybe even take fellowship students like he had before. If he ever does, well she'll be ready.
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no subject
Date: 2012-07-14 05:57 pm (UTC)I agree with your analysis that he started a slow slide downwards during S6 that had little or nothing to do with Wilson or with Cuddy. It's difficult to say what started it, but my interpretation is that although he had actually changed - he started getting actively involved in the lives of his fellows, for instance, he stayed off Lucas's back after that one fairly mild attempt to mess with him, and he backed off when Sam asked him to - no one seemed to notice or appreciate that change.
no subject
Date: 2012-07-14 09:06 pm (UTC)You're doing a great job with this. I like all the different viewpoints, an dhow they contrast with House's.
no subject
Date: 2012-07-14 10:47 pm (UTC)I agree. Fans blamed Wilson because he asked House to move out (but really, he wanted to marry Sam and have a child with her! canon!House didn't blame him any more than your House does), but the evidence was there before that. I think he saw Wilson happy and Cuddy happy and was frustrated that he wasn't happy too. And of course by "happy" I mean "in a romantic relationship", because that's how this show - this WORLD - defines happiness.
(gets off soapbox) I'm really enjoying your story.
no subject
Date: 2012-07-15 11:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-15 11:52 am (UTC)I think he saw Wilson happy and Cuddy happy and was frustrated that he wasn't happy too. And of course by "happy" I mean "in a romantic relationship", because that's how this show - this WORLD - defines happiness.
Yes, I agree with that. Interestingly the show defines 'happy' as in a romantic relationship like you say, but also shows us multiple examples of just how unhappy romantic relationships mostly are, so it's a lose-lose really.
Glad you are enjoying the story, thanks for reading and commenting :)
no subject
Date: 2012-07-15 11:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-15 10:55 pm (UTC)This one, though, brought me to tears. House, unable to see anything except all his failures, carefully absolving everyone around him for their part in those failures and heaping the entire responsibility on himself, was heartbreaking. It's a crushing burden that he's taken on here, and an unfair one -- and your description of it all is agonizingly realistic.
no subject
Date: 2012-07-16 07:31 am (UTC)Thanks for reading :)