Fic : Varnished!
May. 16th, 2013 09:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
menolly_auTitle: Varnished!
Characters: House/Wilson
Rating: PG
Words 970
Warnings: Crack all the way
Summary: It's that time of year again and Wilson takes preemptive action. House is not happy.
As House entered their house he was nearly bowled over by a guy leaving. The man had a cap on, and his head was down so that House didn't get a good look at him. He took in the shabby mismatched clothing and the nervous mannerisms and wondered why he had been visiting Wilson.
When he entered the tiny kitchen he found Wilson intently studying something on his laptop, a pleased smile on his face.
"Who was that guy, Wilson?"
Wilson looked up at him, startled and slammed the laptop lid shut.
"Guy? What guy?" He blinked innocently.
"The guy who just left." House rolled his eyes at this lame attempt at evasion. Their new house was about the size of Steve McQueen's old cage - he was pretty sure that Wilson would have spotted a stranger roaming around in it.
"Oh, him...er....nobody." Wilson rubbed the back of his neck and made the trademarked puppy eyes - luckily House was impervious to them after all this time spent in Wilson's company.
"You might as well tell me what you've done, save me the effort of hacking your computer."
Wilson looked stubborn for a moment and then broke into a grin.
"I've stopped them." He said proudly.
"Stopped who?"
"Them. Those people." He pointed at the laptop. "Those sick, perverted, people and their stupid Camp thing."
"Sick!Wilson camp? Are they even having it this year?" House had thought they wouldn't bother this year, he should have known that they were more dedicated than that.
Wilson pointed an accusing finger at his computer and then waggled it in House's face. "Yes, they just announced it. Two weeks starting in June. Can you believe it? It wasn't enough for them that I had terminal cancer. Oh,no,no - they can't wait to start torturing me again."
"Two weeks?" House replied, alarmed - he'd have to start working on his challenges now. "Doesn't seem like they could do much harm in two weeks."
"I'm not taking any chances, not after last year." Wilson shuddered, he wouldn't soon forget the Summer of a Thousand Bee Stings. "So I fixed it. Well, Mario fixed it."
"Show me."
Wilson opened the laptop and typed in the address House knew by heart. A picture of a goat with weird staring eyes came up. The dreaded '500!' error. The exclamation mark seemed to mock him, and all his hopes for the future.
"See? It's all gone." Wilson smiled smugly.
House looked at the laptop, his heart sinking. Gone, everything was gone. He stared up at Wilson in disbelief. There were proportional responses and then there was this.
"You've shut down the whole of Livejournal? Not just the sick!Wilson site? Everything's gone? All the stories? All the discussion? All the porn?" He couldn't believe it, what was he going to do now?
Wilson looked defensive. "Well, Mario said it would be too obvious if we just went after one journal, and besides they could start up another. So he turned the whole thing off. Isn't it great? No more broken bones, snakebites, burns, poisoning, heart attacks and no more of that awful 'emotional hurt' stuff. All gone!"
He looked up at House eagerly, almost as if seeking approval. You'd think he'd know better by now.
"Don't you see what you've done?" House growled. This could be disastrous - for both of them.
"What? I gave myself a good summer - for once. Now I can sleep soundly at night without night terrors, or sleepwalking episodes, or the fear of home invasions, or being attacked by ravaging bears..." Wilson seemed about to go into full rant mood so House got up into his face, not hard to do in this place.
"You idiot! Those people on that site, they were the ones keeping you alive!"
"By making me sick?" Wilson scoffed.
"By curing you! They've spent the past year dreaming up ways to cure you. That bastard Shore gave you five months to live. How long has it been now?"
"Thirteen months," Wilson said quietly, beginning to look worried.
"Exactly." House ran a hand through his hair, they had to fix this. They had to fix this now, before it was too late. "What's a couple of weeks of some minor injuries compared to the rest of your life? And besides, you don't like the hurt but you do like the comfort don't you? You like me sitting by your hospital bed, you like me holding your hand and soothing your fevered brow, you like it when I steal a kiss, or when we have mind blowing, life affirming sex?"
"Yes!" Wilson said enthusiastically. He stared down at the laptop where the dead eyes of the goat still looked up at him. "What are we going to do, House?"
"Call your friend Mario back. Get him to fix this. Before it's too late."
Wilson hurried off and House sighed, sinking into one of the chairs. He ran his hands over the keys of the computer. Only two weeks to the beginning of camp, Mario had better be able to help them. House needed one more badge to get into the Hall of Fame.
________________________________________
Two weeks later Wilson lay miserably in House's bed, his hands were bandaged, his legs were in plaster and he had two black eyes. House carefully carried in a tray with a bowl of soup he'd made himself.
"Minor injuries, you said. Won't hurt at all, you said." Wilson said accusingly.
"Stop whining, Wilson - they're only doing this because they love you."
He began to carefully hand feed Wilson the soup. With any luck they could do the comfort thing now and then move on to the mind blowing sex. After all, he'd made a badge for that this year.
~ End
Characters: House/Wilson
Rating: PG
Words 970
Warnings: Crack all the way
Summary: It's that time of year again and Wilson takes preemptive action. House is not happy.
As House entered their house he was nearly bowled over by a guy leaving. The man had a cap on, and his head was down so that House didn't get a good look at him. He took in the shabby mismatched clothing and the nervous mannerisms and wondered why he had been visiting Wilson.
When he entered the tiny kitchen he found Wilson intently studying something on his laptop, a pleased smile on his face.
"Who was that guy, Wilson?"
Wilson looked up at him, startled and slammed the laptop lid shut.
"Guy? What guy?" He blinked innocently.
"The guy who just left." House rolled his eyes at this lame attempt at evasion. Their new house was about the size of Steve McQueen's old cage - he was pretty sure that Wilson would have spotted a stranger roaming around in it.
"Oh, him...er....nobody." Wilson rubbed the back of his neck and made the trademarked puppy eyes - luckily House was impervious to them after all this time spent in Wilson's company.
"You might as well tell me what you've done, save me the effort of hacking your computer."
Wilson looked stubborn for a moment and then broke into a grin.
"I've stopped them." He said proudly.
"Stopped who?"
"Them. Those people." He pointed at the laptop. "Those sick, perverted, people and their stupid Camp thing."
"Sick!Wilson camp? Are they even having it this year?" House had thought they wouldn't bother this year, he should have known that they were more dedicated than that.
Wilson pointed an accusing finger at his computer and then waggled it in House's face. "Yes, they just announced it. Two weeks starting in June. Can you believe it? It wasn't enough for them that I had terminal cancer. Oh,no,no - they can't wait to start torturing me again."
"Two weeks?" House replied, alarmed - he'd have to start working on his challenges now. "Doesn't seem like they could do much harm in two weeks."
"I'm not taking any chances, not after last year." Wilson shuddered, he wouldn't soon forget the Summer of a Thousand Bee Stings. "So I fixed it. Well, Mario fixed it."
"Show me."
Wilson opened the laptop and typed in the address House knew by heart. A picture of a goat with weird staring eyes came up. The dreaded '500!' error. The exclamation mark seemed to mock him, and all his hopes for the future.
"See? It's all gone." Wilson smiled smugly.
House looked at the laptop, his heart sinking. Gone, everything was gone. He stared up at Wilson in disbelief. There were proportional responses and then there was this.
"You've shut down the whole of Livejournal? Not just the sick!Wilson site? Everything's gone? All the stories? All the discussion? All the porn?" He couldn't believe it, what was he going to do now?
Wilson looked defensive. "Well, Mario said it would be too obvious if we just went after one journal, and besides they could start up another. So he turned the whole thing off. Isn't it great? No more broken bones, snakebites, burns, poisoning, heart attacks and no more of that awful 'emotional hurt' stuff. All gone!"
He looked up at House eagerly, almost as if seeking approval. You'd think he'd know better by now.
"Don't you see what you've done?" House growled. This could be disastrous - for both of them.
"What? I gave myself a good summer - for once. Now I can sleep soundly at night without night terrors, or sleepwalking episodes, or the fear of home invasions, or being attacked by ravaging bears..." Wilson seemed about to go into full rant mood so House got up into his face, not hard to do in this place.
"You idiot! Those people on that site, they were the ones keeping you alive!"
"By making me sick?" Wilson scoffed.
"By curing you! They've spent the past year dreaming up ways to cure you. That bastard Shore gave you five months to live. How long has it been now?"
"Thirteen months," Wilson said quietly, beginning to look worried.
"Exactly." House ran a hand through his hair, they had to fix this. They had to fix this now, before it was too late. "What's a couple of weeks of some minor injuries compared to the rest of your life? And besides, you don't like the hurt but you do like the comfort don't you? You like me sitting by your hospital bed, you like me holding your hand and soothing your fevered brow, you like it when I steal a kiss, or when we have mind blowing, life affirming sex?"
"Yes!" Wilson said enthusiastically. He stared down at the laptop where the dead eyes of the goat still looked up at him. "What are we going to do, House?"
"Call your friend Mario back. Get him to fix this. Before it's too late."
Wilson hurried off and House sighed, sinking into one of the chairs. He ran his hands over the keys of the computer. Only two weeks to the beginning of camp, Mario had better be able to help them. House needed one more badge to get into the Hall of Fame.
________________________________________
Two weeks later Wilson lay miserably in House's bed, his hands were bandaged, his legs were in plaster and he had two black eyes. House carefully carried in a tray with a bowl of soup he'd made himself.
"Minor injuries, you said. Won't hurt at all, you said." Wilson said accusingly.
"Stop whining, Wilson - they're only doing this because they love you."
He began to carefully hand feed Wilson the soup. With any luck they could do the comfort thing now and then move on to the mind blowing sex. After all, he'd made a badge for that this year.
~ End
