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[personal profile] menolly_au
So a while back I co-wrote with petitecuriosity a couple of season 7 AU fics where both Wilson and Cuddy came to House at the end of Help Me and they all started a relationship together.

We never did write the third story that we planned but I did get to write the scene where the three of them go and see the Human Resources guy. We're doing that episode (Selfish) on house_rewind this week and it reminded me of the scene, so I thought why not put it here.

Cuddy knew there was a reason why she had hired Ernest Griffin for the Human Resources Department. There had to have been - it was just that right now she didn't know what it was.

Griffin was staring down at a form on his desk as if paralysed. Then he looked back up at the three people sitting opposite him.

"So you and Doctor House are in a relationship?" He made what might have been a disapproving expression.

"Yes, and Doctor Wilson."

"Oh, I'm sorry. You and Doctor Wilson are in a relationship. Of course." He looked relieved but flicked a glance at House, as if wondering why he was there.

"Let me put this simply for you," House said, leaning forward. Cuddy had given him strict instructions to keep his mouth shut, but she'd obviously known how that would turn out. "We are all in a relationship - together. All three of us."

Griffin still looked confused. "I see. And what is the nature of this relationship?"

"It's a Cuddy sandwich. Wilson takes the top and I take the ---"

"House!" Wilson and Cuddy spoke together, and then stared at each other. House smirked and sat back, crossing his arms.

"A...sexual relationship then? And you are all... involved?" Griffin asked, his face colouring.

Cuddy sighed and took charge of the conversation. "I assure you that I can still adequately supervise both Doctor Wilson and Doctor House -"

"And when she says supervise she means supervise." House interjected with a leer. "You should see her cane collection."

" -- and this will in no way interfere with the smooth operation of the hospital," Cuddy continued as if he hadn't interrupted. "We just want to follow the policy to the letter."

"What is the hospital policy for threesomes?" House asked.

"Well, er... you need to sign love contracts. Consensual relationship agreements that is." Griffin looked down at the form again. "Both of you. I mean - all three of you." His eyes flickered between House, Cuddy, Wilson and his form.

"The form doesn't cover this, does it?" Cuddy asked, taking pity on him.

"Um no... it's never come up before."

"I bet," Cuddy heard Wilson mutter. She was sure that House was about to make a joke about other things that had 'never come up' but she stepped on his toes lightly and he abruptly shut his mouth.

"So, are we done here?" Wilson asked brightly.


"That went well," House said as they all walked back to the diagnostics conference room. "Can we tell other people now?"

"As if you haven't." Cuddy said.

"Of course I haven't. We agreed not to until we spoke to HR."

As they walked past the glass conference room window Cuddy could feel three pairs of eyes fixed on them from within, watching their every move.

When they entered the room, Taub, Foreman and Chase looked up at them and then quickly back to the lab results as if they were the most fascinating things they'd seen in a long while.

"I might have let something slip," House confessed.

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