Fic: Road Block
Jun. 30th, 2011 06:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
menolly_auTitle: Road Block
Words: 663
Rating : PG-13 for one mention of sex
Spoilers : None
Characters : House/Wilson established relationship
Warnings : Silliness
Summary : House is a fan of reality television shows
Author's note : A bit of silliness written for the Have Wilson - Will Travel challenge at Camp Sick!Wilson (are you allowed to answer your own challenge?)
"We should go on that," House points to the television screen which is currently showing a young man and woman screaming at each other in the middle of a crowded airport.
Wilson looks up from the paperwork he's brought home and glances at the television.
"The Amazing Race? We should go on that?"
"Absolutely. We'd be awesome."
Wilson looks again at the screen where there's more screaming, and running, and people hurling themselves off a bridge with a bungee cord wrapped around their ankles. He looks pointedly at the cane propped up on one end of the table and then back at House.
"What? Think the old cripple couldn't do it?"
"Well, there does seem to be an awful lot of running, and climbing stairs and physical activity involved."
"And I suppose you think you'd be great at that and I'd slow you down?"
"Yes," Wilson says bluntly.
House scowls and points again at the screen. "Look at that moron, she thinks if she speaks really slowly that Chinese taxi driver is going to understand her English. How many languages do I speak Wilson?"
"Um, five or six?'
"And I can drive a stick-shift without coming to a grinding halt in the middle of traffic, and read a map, and follow simple instructions without crying hysterically. You can flirt with the airline staff and the taxi drivers. We'd be naturals."
"And we want to do this...because?"
House rolls his eyes. "The prize money? A million dollars ring a bell? And we'd be famous. Or, we'd be reality TV famous anyway. They might ask you to be on Dancing With the (B-Grade) Stars."
"You're the only person I'd want to dance with House. Anyway, don't they normally have young people on The Amazing Race? Like blonde chicks, surfer guys, models, athletes, people like that?"
"They're all about diversity now. There's always some old couple, couple of hicks that have never been further than Iowa, a fat couple, a gay couple, and now they're adding disabilities. So we'd be the gay couple with a side order of disability. They couldn't not pick us to go on the show."
Wilson looked back at the screen where a blonde girl was holding a map upside down and a buff guy was looking for his car key which he'd dropped in the sand. They couldn't be any worse than them could they?
"Okay," he throws his arms up in the air, "we'll do it."
"We will?" House looks at him, surprised, "seriously?"
"Seriously, like you said, we'd be naturals."
---------------------------------------------------------
Wilson gets out of the cab slowly, and then fishes in the back for his crutches while House taps his cane impatiently on the sidewalk. The driver speeds off as soon as Wilson is clear of the cab, as if he is in a desperate hurry to get away.
"How can anyone break their leg during an audition, Wilson? That was our big chance to get on television and you blew it. We didn't even get in front of the camera."
Wilson's heard it all before, on the floor of the television studio, in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, in the emergency department, in X-ray, then as he got his leg casted, and of course the continous complaining chorus on the way home.
"It wasn't my fault, there was a cable..." he starts to explain again and then shrugs in defeat, making his slow way up the stairs to the apartment, his hesitant crutching steps matching House's limping ones.
When they get in the apartment they both slump down on the couch, crutches and cane discarded on the coffee table.
House grabs the remote control and channel surfs. Nothing, nothing, nothing, 100 channels of nothing. Finally he settles on a show, watches it for two minutes and turns to Wilson.
"Survivor! We could go on that, we'd be naturals."
Wilson snatches the remote away and switches the television off.
"No."
"But..."
"No."
House subsides and sighs as he looks at Wilson's cast. Then he brightens. "Cripple sex?"
"Absolutely."
Words: 663
Rating : PG-13 for one mention of sex
Spoilers : None
Characters : House/Wilson established relationship
Warnings : Silliness
Summary : House is a fan of reality television shows
Author's note : A bit of silliness written for the Have Wilson - Will Travel challenge at Camp Sick!Wilson (are you allowed to answer your own challenge?)
"We should go on that," House points to the television screen which is currently showing a young man and woman screaming at each other in the middle of a crowded airport.
Wilson looks up from the paperwork he's brought home and glances at the television.
"The Amazing Race? We should go on that?"
"Absolutely. We'd be awesome."
Wilson looks again at the screen where there's more screaming, and running, and people hurling themselves off a bridge with a bungee cord wrapped around their ankles. He looks pointedly at the cane propped up on one end of the table and then back at House.
"What? Think the old cripple couldn't do it?"
"Well, there does seem to be an awful lot of running, and climbing stairs and physical activity involved."
"And I suppose you think you'd be great at that and I'd slow you down?"
"Yes," Wilson says bluntly.
House scowls and points again at the screen. "Look at that moron, she thinks if she speaks really slowly that Chinese taxi driver is going to understand her English. How many languages do I speak Wilson?"
"Um, five or six?'
"And I can drive a stick-shift without coming to a grinding halt in the middle of traffic, and read a map, and follow simple instructions without crying hysterically. You can flirt with the airline staff and the taxi drivers. We'd be naturals."
"And we want to do this...because?"
House rolls his eyes. "The prize money? A million dollars ring a bell? And we'd be famous. Or, we'd be reality TV famous anyway. They might ask you to be on Dancing With the (B-Grade) Stars."
"You're the only person I'd want to dance with House. Anyway, don't they normally have young people on The Amazing Race? Like blonde chicks, surfer guys, models, athletes, people like that?"
"They're all about diversity now. There's always some old couple, couple of hicks that have never been further than Iowa, a fat couple, a gay couple, and now they're adding disabilities. So we'd be the gay couple with a side order of disability. They couldn't not pick us to go on the show."
Wilson looked back at the screen where a blonde girl was holding a map upside down and a buff guy was looking for his car key which he'd dropped in the sand. They couldn't be any worse than them could they?
"Okay," he throws his arms up in the air, "we'll do it."
"We will?" House looks at him, surprised, "seriously?"
"Seriously, like you said, we'd be naturals."
---------------------------------------------------------
Wilson gets out of the cab slowly, and then fishes in the back for his crutches while House taps his cane impatiently on the sidewalk. The driver speeds off as soon as Wilson is clear of the cab, as if he is in a desperate hurry to get away.
"How can anyone break their leg during an audition, Wilson? That was our big chance to get on television and you blew it. We didn't even get in front of the camera."
Wilson's heard it all before, on the floor of the television studio, in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, in the emergency department, in X-ray, then as he got his leg casted, and of course the continous complaining chorus on the way home.
"It wasn't my fault, there was a cable..." he starts to explain again and then shrugs in defeat, making his slow way up the stairs to the apartment, his hesitant crutching steps matching House's limping ones.
When they get in the apartment they both slump down on the couch, crutches and cane discarded on the coffee table.
House grabs the remote control and channel surfs. Nothing, nothing, nothing, 100 channels of nothing. Finally he settles on a show, watches it for two minutes and turns to Wilson.
"Survivor! We could go on that, we'd be naturals."
Wilson snatches the remote away and switches the television off.
"No."
"But..."
"No."
House subsides and sighs as he looks at Wilson's cast. Then he brightens. "Cripple sex?"
"Absolutely."
