Fic : It Can't Be Over

[menolly_au]

Title: It Can't Be Over
Author: menolly_au
Characters: House/Wilson
Rating: PG
Warnings: Crack, meta, extreme silliness
Spoilers: House has been cancelled ( had you heard?) Contains wild speculation for series end, none of it based on actual truth as far as I know.
Words: 600 ish
Summary:Wilson has heard that the series has been cancelled, he's happy, for a little while... A little crack fic as a reaction to the news.




When House got home Wilson was sitting on the couch, broken leg (tib-fib fracture, car accident) propped up on the coffee table. He was drinking a glass of wine, and from the looks of the bottle sitting open beside him it wasn't the first.

"Hey, House! Come and sit down, we're celebrating!" Wilson raised his glass, peering out of his one good eye, the other was covered by a patch (corneal laceration, low hanging tree branch).

House grinned, a tipsy Wilson was always great value. He took a seat next to him, careful not to touch the bandage on his right arm (burns, hot coffee) and making sure he was next to the ear where Wilson still has some hearing (ruptured ear drum, gas bottle explosion). He took the offered glass from Wilson's fingers, noting that they seemed to be healing well (bruises, car door).

"What are we celebrating?"

Wilson pointed a shaky hand (tremors, traumatic brain injury) at the laptop screen.

"We've been cancelled!"

House looked at him in shock and then looked back at the screen. It was true, there was post after post about it.

"No more Sick!Wilson!" Wilson laughed. "It's over, all the broken bones, the infectious diseases, the fevers, the terminal diseases, the car accidents! All over! At last, I can walk out the door without being struck by lightening, or attacked by a bear, or held hostage by some crazed gunman out for revenge against you."

"But, but..." House protested numbly, looking at the screen. "If you're not sick how am I going to show that I care about you?"

"You want me to look like this all the time?" Wilson asked. "You want me to be covered in bandages and barely able to put one foot after the other? You want me lying naked, feverish in a bed, mumbling incoherently about how much I love you?" He stopped, and looked at House's hopeful expression. "Wait, forget that last one, of course you want that."

House was scanning the screen, reading more of the articles. His eyes widened.

"Wilson? How much of this did you read?"

"Not much. Just the bit where it said C.A.N.C.E.L.E.D - then I got out the wine."

"Well, there's some people here saying that you might die."

Wilson paled, or the bits of him that weren't red did (sunburn, fell asleep on the beach).

"I might d..d..die?" (stuttering, childhood trauma).

"Apparently. Or I might die, or we both might die." House sat back glumly.

"But why would they kill me? Everyone loves me. I'm the favourite." Wilson's lower lip trembled as he wailed. "It's not fair, why don't they kill Adams - nobody likes her. And she's a newbie. I've been here since the beginning!"

"Because if you die it will have the most effect on me. And, you know, the show is all about me . HOUSE M.D - it's in the name. Besides, how are they going to top the ending of last season if no-one dies? Unless the hospital gets invaded by brain eating zombies, or you and I kiss and ride off into the sunset together."

"Well, they're never going to let us kiss," Wilson agreed "it's a prime time show after all, children might be watching." He sighed. "Well, this sucks."

"Yep." House slammed down the laptop lid and stood up.

"House, where are you going?"

"To bed. And you're coming with me."

"I am?"

"Yes, I'm going to comfort you. It may be our last chance."

"Oh," Wilson stood up eagerly, swaying a bit (vertigo, Meniere's disease). He balanced himself on his crutches and went slowly after House.

After all, if he was going to die, he might as well have some fun first.

Until the zombies came anyway.

Comments

[knitty-woman.livejournal.com]

{{giggles}}

[menolly-au.livejournal.com]

Glad it gave you a laugh, thanks for reading :)

[damigella-314.livejournal.com]

Yay!!!! Where should I start celebrating? At the extra bonus points for nekkid!feverish Wilson? Or just at "stuttering, childhood trauma"? You're a genius. Exactly what I needed this evening. Including the jab at Adams, I feel really evil (see also the small print below).

ETA: I had to read this three times in a row. Bwahahaha!

Are affect and effect homophonic? I would never have a diagnosis of Ménière since it doesn't have a consistent spelling. Speaking of which, the British (et al.) version of words is always my favourite.

[menolly-au.livejournal.com]

Thnaks, glad you liked it :) nekkid!Feverish! Wilson is always good:)

I can barely see your small print because I need glasses (I should really get onto that). Affect and Effect aren't really homophones, they just get used wrongly all the time - including by me apparently :) Mistake? I can't see any mistakes :)

[damigella-314.livejournal.com]

I can barely see your small print because I need glasses (I should really get onto that).
I love my iPad because I just wiggle my fingers and small print turns LARGE. Because I have glasses (since age four) but I'm resisting bifocals.

[barefootpuddles.livejournal.com]

LOL. Very nice. And little does Wilson know that even if TBTB let them both live, Sick!Wilson may very well continue for years yet. :)

[menolly-au.livejournal.com]

And little does Wilson know that even if TBTB let them both live, Sick!Wilson may very well continue for years yet.

One can only hope :) Thanks for reading!

[petitecuriosity.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha! This was great! I literally laughed out loud. I love the short descriptions in parentheses because I could picture House or Wilson describing his injuries in just such a concise manner. Awesome fic. :)

[menolly-au.livejournal.com]

Thanks :) Glad it gave you a laugh. Thanks for reading!

[mnstrtruckslash.livejournal.com]

Awesome story, but one note. Sick!Wilson will never end. If the "end" of the TV program, movie or book series resulted in the end of fanfics this particular art form would have died out years ago. There just won't be any new official plot lines to base stories on. :D

[menolly-au.livejournal.com]

Oh, I hope it never ends too :) I think wilson might like a break though, poor guy :) Thanks for reading :)

[alternatealto.livejournal.com]

Oh, did I laugh! This was delightful, especially the constant procession of Wilson's "conditions".

And that last line was gold.

(At least you didn't allot poor Wilson some dread disease resulting in impotence . . . )

[menolly-au.livejournal.com]

At least you didn't allot poor Wilson some dread disease resulting in impotence . . .

(cough) um, yeah, I nearly did :) But then I figured I'd give the poor guy that much of a break at least :) Thanks for reading!

[yarroway.livejournal.com]

I loved this! The list of medical conditions, the zombies, all of it. Perfect!

[menolly-au.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it, thanks for reading :)

[rslhilson.livejournal.com]

Teehee! Thanks for making me laugh :) Feverish!Naked!Wilson is always a favorite of ours, isn't it? Though I do hope Sick!Wilson continues long after the show has come to an end.

[menolly-au.livejournal.com]

Oh, I hope so too, but Wilson isn't so keen :) Thanks for reading!

[srsly-yes.livejournal.com]

Awesome! Finally something to laugh about after yesterday's announcement. *mems*

[menolly-au.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Glad it gave you a laugh :) Thanks for reading and the mem!

[flywoman.livejournal.com]

Very funny! And unfortunately with more than a grain of truth:

"Because if you die it will have the most effect on me. And, you know, the show is all about me . HOUSE M.D - it's in the name.

[menolly-au.livejournal.com]

I just can't imagine how they're going to top the last few season finales for the series ending. I do hope that no-one dies really.

Thanks for reading!

[justjuly4.livejournal.com]

That's fun! Enjoyed every line!

*Liked the point about Adams*

[menolly-au.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it :) Yeah, poor Adams, I don't think she has a lot of fans :)

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

Ha, this was terrific! Great job. :-D

[menolly-au.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it :)

[rslworks.livejournal.com]

Hilarious. Just what we needed. Very fitting. I wonder if RSL is celebrating like Wilson is??

[menolly-au.livejournal.com]

I wonder if RSL is celebrating like Wilson is??

I suspect he might be :) Thanks for reading, glad you enjoyed it !

[rividori.livejournal.com]

Oh Wilson. He has no idea does he? ;)
Loved it all!

[menolly-au.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it :)

[sara-tsuzuki.livejournal.com]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL Every fanfiction author must be feeling a little guilty!

[menolly-au.livejournal.com]

Oh, Wilson knows it's nothing personal :)

Thanks for reading!

[jahmat.livejournal.com]

Laughed so hard at this! Poor James!

Re: rslwork's comment about RSL's reaction to the cancellation:
RSL celebrating? If the writers had given him anything worth doing over the last two years, he probably wouldn't be!

It really kills me that they gave Chase the injury arc this year!
Think about it: 13 had her Huntington's disease, leading up to her brother's mercy killing; "loverboy" Taub scenes are painful to view (Come on, TPTB, you've got RSL and you give the Lothario role to Peter Jacobson?!); Cameron had her "House-love" AND Chase arcs; even Foreman had the brother and Alzheimer-mother episodes. And don't get me started on the Huddy season! What did they write for the Tony-award winner? "Wilson" and "Transplant", yes! but for the most part:

What a waste! UGH!

[menolly-au.livejournal.com]

Glad it gave you a laugh, thanks for reading :) And yes, RSL is tragically underused in this series, I guess it's easy money for him, about thirty seconds on screen last ep. Hopefully there will be some good stuff towards the end of the season.